If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
