We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
