He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
PANTIES FOUND
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