Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
