I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
