and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
