My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
