A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
