im about as happy as oj after his trial
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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