the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
