even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
