Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
