dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
