Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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