How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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