So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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