Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
