hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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