So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
