don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
