He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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