Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
