is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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