I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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