like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
