PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you made out with another girl for some wings
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
