lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
