FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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