Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
