I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
