We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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