Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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