I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
