when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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