I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
