I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
