Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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