I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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