I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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