those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
