nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
