TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
