The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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