so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
