When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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