toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
