did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
