im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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