If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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