i just google imaged poop.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
