Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
