i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
