hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
