We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
